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What If…

Yes, I said, many times over
I know not what direction
My love will take
And in what ways it will express
Itself in time.

For love is a visitor
residing in us in many forms
fluidly traveling in directions
beyond our control.

What if –
What I feel for you is love
Not caged in the boundaries
Of our bodies?

At one time
We made love in darkness
Pulling the curtains over
So that only our bodies
Expressed what we felt in our hearts.

Then, we made out
In broad day light
When both of us could see
each other’s bodies and face
We had moved from darkness to light we said.

But now sitting in Silence
over distances
when we both can see
only the impression we made on camera
posted on Facebook…

What if
With our eyes closed
over distances
with neither our hands
or our legs intertwined
we still do what we used to do
In darkness and in light of day…

What if
As pure energy
we still meet
In spaces that defy
Boundaries and definitions …

Would our orgasm
be tremours that last forever
and eternity?
Or would our energies commune
In silence while we sit still
Grasping each other in our thoughts
And say,

We made love.

My Muse

 Let me turn to my muse today

The man with curly hair and a thick moustache

Who walked like a King

On the streets of Fort and Colaba Causeway

Looking rich.

The footpath sellers at Fort and Fountain

Knew him well

Every once in a while he bought the most expensive cigarettes from them

And smoked them like you do a bidi

Surely, they said, he must be a King

“Ya badey Baap ka beta”

Actually nobody knew

The Parsi rebel

Penniless or loaded

Had the air of a King

He belonged to the Land of Milk and Honey

Wealth was in his gait and not his bait

He had it all tucked in his genes

The penniless pauper from faraway land

My muse

The Colour Blue

brown-hair-blue-eyes-makeup

I won’t see Madhu’s blue eyes again

And I won’t see her childlike pudgy fingers sit on her lap

Waiting for me to intertwine mine in hers

I won’t see her eyes fill with concern for her son

Nor the coldness that is theirs

When she speaks of her husband.

I won’t see them rest on my face

And ponder if I was a fool

To love her so.

Her eyes don’t know what I hide in mine

The dark shrouded pupil swimming in the ocean of milk

Conceal myriad memories around a pair of blue eyes

So dear to me in my childhood

Tucked away in the recesses of my mind

That pair of liquid blue eyes

So proud even behind dark glasses

Acts like a dam blocking out pulsating passion.

On the surface, my eyes are cold and dead.

Time will never erase the memory of those blue eyes

That rejected me.

But time can never stop me from seeking them

Again and again around me in friends and lovers

Those beautiful blue eyes

Just like Madhu’s blue eyes.

I won’t see Madhu’s blue eyes again

Tucked behind the wall of my cold eyes

I have stored the memory of those eyes

Which today, reflect in the coldness of the shroud

That covers my pupils

Swimming in the ocean of white milk

Dead.

Photo credit 

Barnes & Noble’s Dirty Little Secret: Author Solutions and Nook Press.

Long years of working have now come to an end. 2015 heralds in my decision to break free of the past working patterns and to start a new one.

Starting afresh is like starting from the bottom again. It means you stand alone and you take your own decisions which will affect you in the long run. Comfort zone is safe but a sorry state to be in. It means that you did not challenge yourself enough.

I have been thrown into this state many times and have always done well. In a jungle I have found a path, indeed many paths, every time, but when you decide to leave the past with no real goal in mind, except a few ‘must dos’ on your New Year List, you must know that the path begins where you left and no matter what the territory you visualized it to be, the path has something to gift you at the end of the road – trust in yourself! When you went with a plan, but things emerged which were not in the plan and you had to embrace them, then, at the end of the journey you know that you might have taken a different route altogether, which you did not visualize at all! And you succeeded! And what’s more you are more confident than when you started off.

You made it!

The past always has fragments of your life, which you associate with, or did associate with. But time has flown, people have changed, you have changed yourself, so isn’t it time to put that bag down from the past and move on?

My decision to take my own road sprouted from the fact that if I did not do it, then the fire that burned inside me would die and I would not be what I recognize myself to be – a living, breathing animal with vibrant colours and moods.

I wanted to go home to myself! Me, the way I know my Self!


How about you? How long will it take you to come home?

For the love of jasmine

An extraordinary post, Aekta, ethereal as it may be, it is passionate and very alluring.

via For the love of jasmine.

Come April Sunshine

Shadow lies
I may not have told you yet
My heart skipped a number of times
when we met, briefly

My mind said
No, this is again one more mirage
your mind has created to divert
your attention from yourself

Perhaps, I said
maybe! But please I need

To look at other things

Some love, some feelings and sensations
to know that I am alive and kicking
I might have been alone

Very alone
In fact the aloneness only a bad relationship can bring me to
But was it not her desire too

I saw in her eyes behind her specs
that light of anxiety mixed with desire

May I not rest in the those longing eyes
which reflect my desire too.

For too long I have slept on a pillow which harboured bad dreams

Is it not time to open a little window and look out at the sunshine?

Love makes me angry

The sun didn’t shine for me
Daddy the last three days
The wind was just too cold
I thought of you and I tried to cry
But tears didn’t come to me
Like frozen icicles
They hung in the window
Of my heart
She said no daddy
I thought of you once more.

I could have been wrapped up
In your tender arms
I could have waited
For her to say yes
But once a no
Shuts out the heart
The key is lost in time.

I could have waited for you
Daddy, to hold me tight
She said no
This wintry night
Its blazing winters
Inside my soul
Although I am told
The sun has just come out
Daddy, I am so cold.

And angry

Nee…

I would like to give my life
Away
I would like to die
To this moment
To hold in my ears
The sound of the Eternal
Nee…

I would like to take to ochre
And dress with nothing on
Save the name written
In my soul
Nee…

Of love they say
It is an infliction
Of the mind
But
They never say the same
About
Nee…

I would like to throw
The burden of waiting
For the Name
Written across my destiny
Nee…

Nee…You!

With your coming
the pain sleeping in my eyelids
have subsided.
The little plant hiding in the seed
has sprung up to meet the sky.
My heart has come alive
with our relationship.

My eyes have opened
with ecstasy
Surprise, shock
laughter, goose bumps
admiration sparkle
in these eyelids.

In the screaming mind
loneliness persisted
but emerging from behind the curtain today
the frozen, cold moments sped away
the heavy burden days disappeared.

Half comfort
half happiness
thus, surprise
laughing
smiling
Goosebumps
admiring
In these eyelids

(is)You!

 

Rough translation/transcreation JD  & KN

Rain drenched forests

And reasoned roads

Lead to anti-thesis of goals


It might have rained emotions

All night through

The rain drenched

Leaves of the mind look

Fresh and green

But reasoned roads

Colour the vision

To the hues of sunset

At early dawn

Alas! Rain drenched forests

And reasoned roads

Lead to anti-thesis of goals

*Sigh*

Image