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Long years of working have now come to an end. 2015 heralds in my decision to break free of the past working patterns and to start a new one.

Starting afresh is like starting from the bottom again. It means you stand alone and you take your own decisions which will affect you in the long run. Comfort zone is safe but a sorry state to be in. It means that you did not challenge yourself enough.

I have been thrown into this state many times and have always done well. In a jungle I have found a path, indeed many paths, every time, but when you decide to leave the past with no real goal in mind, except a few ‘must dos’ on your New Year List, you must know that the path begins where you left and no matter what the territory you visualized it to be, the path has something to gift you at the end of the road – trust in yourself! When you went with a plan, but things emerged which were not in the plan and you had to embrace them, then, at the end of the journey you know that you might have taken a different route altogether, which you did not visualize at all! And you succeeded! And what’s more you are more confident than when you started off.

You made it!

The past always has fragments of your life, which you associate with, or did associate with. But time has flown, people have changed, you have changed yourself, so isn’t it time to put that bag down from the past and move on?

My decision to take my own road sprouted from the fact that if I did not do it, then the fire that burned inside me would die and I would not be what I recognize myself to be – a living, breathing animal with vibrant colours and moods.

I wanted to go home to myself! Me, the way I know my Self!


How about you? How long will it take you to come home?

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For the love of jasmine

An extraordinary post, Aekta, ethereal as it may be, it is passionate and very alluring.

via For the love of jasmine.

Come April Sunshine

Shadow lies
I may not have told you yet
My heart skipped a number of times
when we met, briefly

My mind said
No, this is again one more mirage
your mind has created to divert
your attention from yourself

Perhaps, I said
maybe! But please I need

To look at other things

Some love, some feelings and sensations
to know that I am alive and kicking
I might have been alone

Very alone
In fact the aloneness only a bad relationship can bring me to
But was it not her desire too

I saw in her eyes behind her specs
that light of anxiety mixed with desire

May I not rest in the those longing eyes
which reflect my desire too.

For too long I have slept on a pillow which harboured bad dreams

Is it not time to open a little window and look out at the sunshine?

Love makes me angry

The sun didn’t shine for me
Daddy the last three days
The wind was just too cold
I thought of you and I tried to cry
But tears didn’t come to me
Like frozen icicles
They hung in the window
Of my heart
She said no daddy
I thought of you once more.

I could have been wrapped up
In your tender arms
I could have waited
For her to say yes
But once a no
Shuts out the heart
The key is lost in time.

I could have waited for you
Daddy, to hold me tight
She said no
This wintry night
Its blazing winters
Inside my soul
Although I am told
The sun has just come out
Daddy, I am so cold.

And angry

Nee…

I would like to give my life
Away
I would like to die
To this moment
To hold in my ears
The sound of the Eternal
Nee…

I would like to take to ochre
And dress with nothing on
Save the name written
In my soul
Nee…

Of love they say
It is an infliction
Of the mind
But
They never say the same
About
Nee…

I would like to throw
The burden of waiting
For the Name
Written across my destiny
Nee…

Nee…You!

With your coming
the pain sleeping in my eyelids
have subsided.
The little plant hiding in the seed
has sprung up to meet the sky.
My heart has come alive
with our relationship.

My eyes have opened
with ecstasy
Surprise, shock
laughter, goose bumps
admiration sparkle
in these eyelids.

In the screaming mind
loneliness persisted
but emerging from behind the curtain today
the frozen, cold moments sped away
the heavy burden days disappeared.

Half comfort
half happiness
thus, surprise
laughing
smiling
Goosebumps
admiring
In these eyelids

(is)You!

 

Rough translation/transcreation JD  & KN

Rain drenched forests

And reasoned roads

Lead to anti-thesis of goals


It might have rained emotions

All night through

The rain drenched

Leaves of the mind look

Fresh and green

But reasoned roads

Colour the vision

To the hues of sunset

At early dawn

Alas! Rain drenched forests

And reasoned roads

Lead to anti-thesis of goals

*Sigh*

Image

Many years ago, the man who took me to do Copy at his agency, turned out to be a man of deep emotions. As much as he was his father’s pet and had spent a sizable amount of time, loafing around in different family businesses, he finally deserted it all to start out on his own. Together with a childhood friend he opened an agency which had ready clients from all segments. Naturally he did not have to do the licking arse kind of stunts because all our clients were in some way or the other related to his family.

Our agency was perpetually full of slender women with beautiful looks with high ambitions. Most of them were very professional too. Many of them found me their engagement outside the boss’s cabin and they sat and chatted with me forever. Among them were many who finally landed films and then forgot their small days as aspiring models in an advertising agency.

Among those of us who were working there, was one smart little lady, who knew how to get her way with the boss. She came in with a recommendation and quickly took up to habits that you wore to prove you were like ‘different’. She wore her sari low, exposing a milk white midriff and she wore her lips red, blazing red. And between her lips she always hung a Marlboro or a State Express, because the boss smoked 555. The aroma in the office was State Express, and our poor Five Square Kingsize took a real beating.

She hung around with the boss after hours while the Receptionist went off with clients. That dirty old Gupta of Meera Cookware was forever cooking up dates with her. In fact, he really cheated on us, because, he used all the ladies and took them to his pleasure chambers but returned with nothing for the agency.

One day the boss called me in. He said that the copy i wrote for Meera was great but the executive on the job killed it with her juices. I was aghast!

“I would have thrown her out,” he said, ‘had she not broken into tears and pleaded that, indeed, it is she who felt used, destroyed. I can’t bear to see women in tears.” He ended, looking at me seriously.

My mind went back to the tears my woman had shed, on the day we were leaving each other after nine months of loving each other. I remembered the tears remained like a patch on my white shirt of the school uniform and how, I never gave it for a wash, thereafter. How I would hold the shirt against my cheek as if I was holding her.

“I can’t bear to see women in tears, too.” I agreed.

My first boss and I shared a lot more between us. I was his kid – the cub copy writer in his first agency. It was my first job too.